|My will be done
||[Jan. 25th, 2008|04:40 pm]
I've been thinking more about the Feri idea of will and how it is present in D/s. One of the responses to my last post used a great metaphor. She knew she was the ocean, and was trying to understand that she was not the ship. It is how it feels when I'm topping. I feel like I am being lifted, like the forces that are in play are like tectonic plates sliding past each other.
I had said that in the times when the connection is really there, when a submissive kneels the first time, I am left staring at something that looks like a shadow with a star inside. I am confronted with their godself, and I realize that I stand taller, like there is another force that lifts me in that moment.
I don't know that we really understand will. We tend to think of it more as desire. In Diamond Heart/Ridhwan they talk about it as the Himma. The part of the soul that works toward its own liberation. Nothing can stop it or stand in its way. I think of it in those times when I really don't want to do something that needs to be done. I know I will do it, because I must, because I have no choice. Strangely enough, this is often the opposite of how many Feris think of will, as choice. But in those moments when you must follow your will, you know this mystery. That you must follow it. You cannot betray your true will. It will not let you.
It is the true will, the holy will, and it drives us forward toward our own freedom. The submissive is called to this place, to make the Domme whole, to lift her up with the power of the ocean, the earth, the fire in the earth. This is not a doormat. The sub allows herself to flow, to become pure power, and gives that gift to the Domme, to do with as She chooses.
I have had the real privilege to play with some amazingly powerful women in this way. They are definitely the ocean. But my first experience with D/s was with a man. He was this huge strong guy. I remember feeling that high, that I had taken in my hand this incredibly powerful being's desire. It is a lot like doing magic, of feeling the power flow through you into the world, directing it. A submissive is not powerless. They are power.
It is as though the bottom generates the power and the top directs it. Receptive and Directive.
So lots of people would probably just respond that they have both and are more unified and don't need to do this. Ok. Nothing wrong with that. Some of us just like to live life dangerously. It seems bizarre that any Feri witch could be critical of that decision.
I don't see my being a witch to be about constantly doing spells and imposing my will on the world. My will is the world. I stand on the cliff and listen in the wind, until I can find where the flow is, see the current. Then I jump on. Every spell is simply a different cliff. I find that I can do little by force, and everything by listening.
So it is when you are doing D/s. In that state, I can feel every breath, know every movement, and watch the living story that is written in the flesh of the other person. Listen to their rhythm, follow it, love it.
It may sound as though I worship my bottoms. In some way, I do. It is the god, cut down. And I am the goddess that snaps the cord. It is the same drama, played out, over and over again, the drone bee dies, the glass already broken, the body whose only mission is sacrifice.
Sacrifice. The roots of the word mean to make holy. And if you ever stand before that shadow with the star inside, you cannot be anything but holy. Sacrifice is a mystery. It always has been. A candidate sacrifices and is made a witch. Kneel, and be changed.
Mysteries will always only be known to those who participate. And every Feri witch has that opportunity. For those who think that power is dominance, they are missing something. And they suffer unbearably for this. I think this is when power can get twisted for a witch, when they forget that they are in service. A witch on his knees is a powerful force, but a force harnessed and directed.
I think I'm almost ready to write something.